just cut the fake caring bullshit already.. it's not convenient for you anyway.

i'm thinking and i have absolutely NO fucking idea why my mom seems to think i'll just be satisfied staying in THIS state when i made it more than clear that i wanna move to new york.. i think for AT LEAST 23 fucking years (when i got in a fatal car accident in the state itself.. YET i STILL have the desire to move there after i ALMOST died there- i don't wanna move back in the area of the state where i nearly died but i wanna move to the state because they have MORE opportunities there along with i wouldn't just be expected to do EXACTLY like my mommy did and be satisfied being UNEMPLOYED and depending on the damn government for all of my income. I HAVE MORE POTENTIAL THAN THAT AND THE FACT THAT EVEN MY FAMILY DOESN'T WANNA RECOGNIZE THAT AND SUPPORT ME (EXCEPT MY COUSIN JOE) JUST SO IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THEM TO SEE ME- PROVES THEY REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME). why do they wanna see me? they don't seem to be worried when i go to the emergency room and i call them to just let them know where i am (i get shown they don't give a shit when they don't answer). amanda can pull all the excuses that "MINNESOTA HAS THE BEST HEALTH CARE!".. so she's depending on me to be sick and/or injured all my life- what a "caring" relative! amanda and the rest of my family who don't support me to progress in life are just showing me they don't care enough about me to have confidence in my capablity to be as strong and intelligent enough to make a life of my own WHERE and HOW i want. they can't even support me or care about me enough to answer the damn PHONE when i'm calling them from an emergency room. I COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD. BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CARE!.. too inconvenient for them to act like they care. my mental health is FAILING in THIS state but my mom and the rest of my fucking family (except for joe) don't have time to worry about that- JUST AS LONG AS I'M WASTING MY LIFE HERE so they can ACT like they actually gave a fuck about me when something happens. JOE WAS THE ONLY RELATIVE OF MINE WHO CALLED ME AND SPOKE TO ME THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. I EVEN CALLED AMANDA AND HER MOM AND LEFT THEM VOICE MAILS ABOUT WHERE I WAS! DID THEY CALL ME TO SEE HOW I WAS DOING? HELL NO. TOO FUCKING INCONVENIENT FOR THEM. i've suffered through living in this fuckin state for 39 years of my damn life. ALONE. I'M STILL LIVING. THE FACT THAT ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO THINKS I CAN'T HANDLE RESPONSIBLITY MOVING AND LIVING INDEPENDENTLY IN ANOTHER STATE THINKS I'M STUPID. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH MORE SHIT THAN YOU HAVE. I KNOW WHAT GOES ON AND I'VE MADE IT THIS FUCKING FAR. better hope that i don't get so irritated with living in this state because suicides are higher for people with BRAIN INJURIES.. and *GASP* I HAVE A BRAIN INJURY! the blame lies on AMANDA and my damn MOM. keep it up. i do stupid shit when i'm pissed.. how i even got my brain injury proves that. THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH! *ROLLS EYES* I'LL PUT A GOOD WORD FOR YOU BOTH WHEN I GET UPSTAIRS TO THE BIG GUY! (i may CONVENIENTLY FORGET!.. you know like the both of you selfishly forgot to do when "caring" about me). my family has to be the biggest reason why i wanna move from this state. i don't recieve any support (except for from JOE- who KNOWS how this all feels) from my family. so the next time someone naively asks me when i'm talking about moving to a different state, "what about family?!" i can say, "THANKS FOR REMINDING ME OF THE BIGGEST REASON WHY I WANT TO MOVE." you don't TRULY get to see how much your family and the people who supposedly SAY they care about you TRULY feel until you almost die.